EMDR #21: Responsibility

Throughout recounting these sessions, I reveal a lot about my own thoughts and emotions, and I’d like to remind anyone that reads these, that these are my own thoughts and the ways I interpreted things that happened in my life. It is no fault of anyone else that I reacted, felt the way that I did or thought a certain way whenever something took place.
We can break the cycle of projecting our problems onto one another as long as we can find understanding towards others and within ourselves…

Recount of Session: Oct. 5th

I had just returned from my vacation and I was filled with much anxiety and a sense of dread from everything I was coming back to. My car still needed to be fixed and finding my part was proving increasingly difficult. I knew the Duchess was excited for me to be back however I was still upset over the anger she had for me when I tried to help her find a job. I knew there was a boatload of work for me to do when I got back to my office and I just felt so hopeless and helpless to manage everything. I had a horrible headache the entire day from the stress of everything and it all related back to one thing: I take on too many responsibilities.

At work, I felt that any problem that went unsolved was my responsibility to solve it. Any problems between The Duchess and I, I was responsible for causing and I was responsible to fix. I was responsible to fix my car, but I felt like I wasn’t good enough to fix it. All of these responsibilities I placed on myself weighed me down to the point of crippling anxiety and stress.

My therapist taught me an important lesson: Not only do all these pressures I place on myself cause me to stress out, but I’m also taking away someone else’s ability to grow. Just as my mom used to take control of everything from me as a child and I never learnt some simple skills, I was taking and controlling everyone else’s problems. People need to struggle in order to grow and learn, and by protecting others and taking on their responsibilities, I was taking away their opportunity to do so.

I had read an article about the victim triangle and identified myself as a start gate rescuer. I feel the need to help others especially when I am feeling down myself. This victimizes myself because I don’t deal with my own problems. Then I end up moving to a persecutor position because I’ve helped others with their problems, but no one helps me with my problems, and finally I victimize myself because these problems keep happening to me and I’m too tired to handle them. By Identifying that you are in a nasty loop within the victim triangle, you can work to free yourself from it and start being responsible for what you should be, letting others have the opportunity to grow, and not taking on too much. Something I need to work on.

 

Karpman’s Drama Triangle Derived from the Victim Triangle

Karpmans-Drama-Triangle

 

The goal of sharing my story is to raise awareness of mental health problems that all of us experience and to break the stigma surrounding mental health. My belief is that we hurt each other because we have been hurt ourselves, but if we can heal past our own hurt that ends up causing us to hurt others, we can break the cycle of pain that we have been inflicting on each other for so long.

If you are looking for a start in your own journey of self healing, the best way to start is by talking to someone: If you are in Alberta there is a mental health helpline found at http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/amh/amh.aspx or in the US, http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help. Usually a quick google search for help in your location will bring up a toll free number you can call. I also have a friend that practices hypnotherapy and has an affordable pay model for anyone seeking help. here is a link to his website, Healing Self. And if you’d like to contact me personally for any help or direction, you can use my contact page to reach out and I will keep anything confidential (aside from if you’re planning to commit a crime) and help to the best of my abilities.

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