EMDR #15: Relationships

Throughout recounting these sessions, I reveal a lot about my own thoughts and emotions, and I’d like to remind anyone that reads these, that these are my own thoughts and the ways I interpreted things that happened in my life. It is no fault of anyone else that I reacted, felt the way that I did or thought a certain way whenever something took place.
We can break the cycle of projecting our problems onto one another as long as we can find understanding towards others and within ourselves…

Recount of Session: July 31st

After processing through some of my prior relationships and the fears and thoughts associated with them, I felt more comfortable thinking about being in a relationship with someone. My biggest fear was getting to the sexual part of the relationship and thinking back on my previous relationships, my own mental hang-ups and lack of confidence was being projected in them. I felt like I wasn’t good enough which made me act like I wasn’t good enough and might have even made my partner feel like they weren’t good enough. My lessons; I have control over how I feel and how I behave; self doubt will project and confidence will as well; Just because I don’t have experience does not mean I will be a disappointment or have nothing to offer; I can grow and learn and I’ve always been quick at that.

Thinking about the relationships I had been in stirred up some memories about relationships that had never quite happened. A few times I had shown interest in someone and it seemed like they showed interest in me however nothing ever happened as I kept getting the reply, “I’m not ready” or “I’m working on myself.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and I can totally understand that someone does not want a relationship or isn’t ready for one; I’ve been there before too, however it seemed like whenever I got this answer from someone whom said they were interested in me but just weren’t ready, a week later they would be in a relationship with someone else.

This made me feel hurt as I felt like I was lied to and like something was wrong with me, I wasn’t good enough.  I felt frustrated that this had happened to me on more than one occasion and like my hopes were crushed. I wondered if they weren’t actually interested but didn’t want to hurt my feelings even though this hurt so much more.

Thinking about it deeply, I realized that I have no control over what other people do, or how they feel. I only have control over my own thoughts and feelings. I don’t need to feel like I’m not enough for someone else. In one of my earlier sessions my therapist and I talked about how I don’t need to find someone I’m enough for, but to find someone that’s enough for me. I can now further add on to this because I realized, that I am enough for me, I can think and care about myself and I can also think and care about others. I don’t need to worry about finding ways to be good enough for someone else, I need to find someone that is good enough for me.

The goal of sharing my story is to raise awareness of mental health problems that all of us experience and to break the stigma surrounding mental health. My belief is that we hurt each other because we have been hurt ourselves, but if we can heal past our own hurt that ends up causing us to hurt others, we can break the cycle of pain that we have been inflicting on each other for so long.

If you are looking for a start in your own journey of self healing, the best way to start is by talking to someone: If you are in Alberta there is a mental health helpline found at http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/amh/amh.aspx or in the US, http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help. Usually a quick google search for help in your location will bring up a toll free number you can call. I also have a friend that practices hypnotherapy and has an affordable pay model for anyone seeking help. here is a link to his website, Healing Self. And if you’d like to contact me personally for any help or direction, you can use my contact page to reach out and I will keep anything confidential (aside from if you’re planning to commit a crime) and help to the best of my abilities.

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