EMDR #6: My Way or the Highway

Throughout recounting these sessions, I reveal a lot about my own thoughts and emotions, and I’d like to remind anyone that reads these, that these are my own thoughts and the ways I interpreted things that happened in my life. It is no fault of anyone else that I reacted, felt the way that I did or thought a certain way whenever something took place.
We are all flawed and that is what makes us beautiful…

Recount of session: May 15th

My grandpa passed away on the 12th and in arranging the funeral, my family had to work around a city-wide award that I had been nominated for. They had planned it for the morning after my ceremony in another province and when I spoke with my mom about it, she made me feel guilty that I wasn’t dropping my life to go to the funeral. Of course I wanted to be there but this event meant a lot to me and I felt like that was not understood, or perhaps didn’t matter to my family.

I tried coming up with ideas on how I could make it to the funeral while still attending my awards, however every idea I had was immediately shot down. I felt frustrated and condescended to as if nothing I said was good enough and my ideas didn’t matter. As I closed my eyes to recount this, my consciousness piped up with some reassuring thoughts

“I’m good at strategizing and planning these types of things, I’ve always set myself up for success. I’m good at collaborating with others to make sure all parties involved are happy, yet my family just won’t listen…” My thoughts continued reinforcing the idea that I am good at doing small things to set myself up to succeed. As I told my therapist this, I was given an option. I can confront my family head on or I can go around their egos.

I decided that I can forgive my mother for acting in a condescending manner to me and I learned that it was not her way or the highway. I came up with good ideas and was able to fly out after the ceremony to make my grandpa’s funeral. I reinforced that my ideas are not wrong. My therapist told me that I’m allowed to say, “your way doesn’t work for me right now.” “It’s not your way or the highway.”

The goal of sharing my story is to raise awareness of mental health problems that all of us experience and to break the stigma surrounding mental health. ‘We are all flawed and that’s what makes us beautiful’ This line to me means that we all have issues that we’ve developed and issues that have developed us into who we are. Those developments are what make us different and what make us beautiful, however a lot of these developments have caused us to carry with us negative views and thoughts of ourselves. By allowing ourselves to heal past these negative thoughts and views we can become our true beautiful selves without the burden of negative mental thoughts and feelings.

If you are looking for a start in your own journey of self healing, the best way to start is by talking to someone: If you are in Alberta there is a mental health helpline found at http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/amh/amh.aspx or in the US, http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help. Usually a quick google search for help in your location will bring up a toll free number you can call. I also have a friend that practices hypnotherapy and has an affordable pay model for anyone seeking help. here is a link to his website, Healing Self. And if you’d like to contact me personally for any help or direction, you can use my contact page to reach out and I will keep anything confidential (aside from if you’re planning to commit a crime) and help to the best of my abilities.

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