EMDR #30: The Final Test

I’m releasing this blog a day earlier than normal because today is my birthday and coincidentally this is my final blog on the EMDR therapy that I went through.

As I’ve been releasing these blogs and looking back on what I’ve been through I can say without a doubt that I’ve grown into a different person than I was when I first started this journey.

Throughout my therapy, I learned how to interpret so much of what has happened in my life. I discovered a lot of the things that I was carrying with me and I even uncovered some things that I never would have thought affected me the way they did.

All in all, as I finished up my last session with my therapist, I finally felt complete, like I matter in this world and I have the confidence in myself that I can achieve great things. I learned that it is okay to let my feelings take hold and to just experience them and I don’t need to find the logic in all things. And I even found the direction that I want to follow in my life.

Therapy was a way to help me to heal and grow, and we as humans will always need that. Even though I’ve grown so much and made it to this ‘final test’, it is only the final test in the sense of this blog and the EMDR that I’ve been healing through. The course of life has many tests that will require us to find healing and growth and the resource to get help will always be a part of my life throughout my journey.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to follow and support me on my journey of healing and self discovery ❤ I hope to continue to grow into the person I know I can be and I hope I can continue to inspire others to do the same.

With sincere gratitude,

Doug

Throughout recounting these sessions, I reveal a lot about my own thoughts and emotions, and I’d like to remind anyone that reads these, that these are my own thoughts and the ways I interpreted things that happened in my life. It is no fault of anyone else that I reacted, felt the way that I did or thought a certain way whenever something took place.
We can break the cycle of projecting our problems onto one another as long as we can find understanding towards others and within ourselves…

Recount of Session: Dec. 12

Things seemed to be going well for me at work, I was hitting my stride and everything seemed to be pointing towards me getting a promotion that I felt was in line for. I was even told me that the reason that they couldn’t just move me into the role that was open was due to HR compliance laws and that the posting would have a “preferred candidate” tag with me in mind. This was quite suddenly changed as an incident occurred at work that was out of my control. As a team we were all scolded however I felt like I was the one that ended up getting punished as they told me that they were going to be removing the preferred candidate tag on the role and I would have to work to convince everyone that I deserved the role.

As I was told that I was going to have to fight for the spot due to something that I was not directly responsible for, and out of my control, I was able to keep a clear head and voice my frustrations in a clear concise manner. Afterwards I felt frustrated and angry but none of the anger was directed towards myself and I took away zero negative thoughts of worthlessness or not feeling good enough as I would have in the past. I did not feel small and insignificant, I didn’t have any thoughts or feelings of hopelessness, instead I thought about the options that I had and decided rationally about what I wanted to do.

My therapist was pleased with how much I had progressed and looked back through my notes. We then went through the emotions and feelings that I came in with and would keep falling back into when things like this happened. This was the perfect test for all the hopeless, worthless, out of control, scared and every other negative feelings that I came in with about myself and I passed it with flying colors. As I scanned my body for any negative thoughts about myself while recalling the event, there was nothing that came up. I was just angry that they would treat me as they did which my therapist assured me was justified, and so, my therapy for now, was complete.

We promised to meet up in one year’s time to catch up.

I thought when I was finished I would be sad to leave but I felt relieved, and renewed.
I was finally able to go out into the world as a whole and take on life knowing that there is always help available to me should I need it.

The therapist I was seeing is named Gail Perkins based out of Okotoks, Alberta

Here is her card in case anyone is interested:

20180430_202902

The goal of sharing my story is to raise awareness of mental health problems that all of us experience and to break the stigma surrounding mental health. My belief is that we hurt each other because we have been hurt ourselves, but if we can heal past our own hurt that ends up causing us to hurt others, we can break the cycle of pain that we have been inflicting on each other for so long.

If you are looking for a start in your own journey of self healing, the best way to start is by talking to someone: If you are in Alberta there is a mental health helpline found at http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/amh/amh.aspx or in the US, http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help. Usually a quick google search for help in your location will bring up a toll free number you can call. I also have a friend that practices hypnotherapy and has an affordable pay model for anyone seeking help. here is a link to his website, Healing Self. And if you’d like to contact me personally for any help or direction, you can use my contact page to reach out and I will keep anything confidential (aside from if you’re planning to commit a crime) and help to the best of my abilities.

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2 thoughts on “EMDR #30: The Final Test”

  1. Thank you for sharing. I think the more people talk about, and normalize, mental health the better off we all are. And don’t push yourself to be positive always; it’s OK to be negative and to doubt yourself. It’s what you do after that, and how you deal with the feelings, that’s important.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely! Negative emotions are an important part of life that I’m glad I learned to stop repressing. I’d like to see the stigma associated with mental health put to rest.

      Thank you for your comment!

      Like

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