EMDR #16: Boundaries

Throughout recounting these sessions, I reveal a lot about my own thoughts and emotions, and I’d like to remind anyone that reads these, that these are my own thoughts and the ways I interpreted things that happened in my life. It is no fault of anyone else that I reacted, felt the way that I did or thought a certain way whenever something took place.
We can break the cycle of projecting our problems onto one another as long as we can find understanding towards others and within ourselves…

Recount of Session: August 17th

I went on a vacation with my mother to visit my brother, and normally this would be a recipe for frustration, negative self thought and a whole lot of feeling not good enough, however it became apparent how much I had grown with setting boundaries when all the same things that would normally upset me happened, but how I processed and handled things had changed…

My mother likes to be in control, when something needs to be done, she will tell people what to do if you don’t do it well enough or quick enough, she will take over what you are doing and get it done. In the past I always felt like I did things incorrectly or I didn’t do them good enough, hence a perfectionism complex however there was one thing I knew I would always have control over, and that is how I feel, act, and react to what happens to me and no one could take that control away from me.

During this vacation, my mother was her usual self. She gave orders as she always has, and took control however this time I no longer took the way she acted personally; as if I was doing something wrong and feeling less of myself. I understand that she has ways shes wants things done and those might not be the same ways I like things done. I can cede control to her, and that is exactly what I did on this vacation. When she wanted something, I would do my best to help however when it was something that I wasn’t able to do to her standards, I would let her take over without arguing, or feeling like I made a mistake. Whenever we had a disagreement, I respectfully told her my point of view and if she didn’t want to accept that, that was her right and we’d agree to disagree. I remembered my teachings from prior sessions; I can do things differently and that does not make them wrong.

The vacation ended up being a lot of fun and it was nice getting out and being with my family without letting negative thoughts or emotions make me feel worthless.

The biggest boundary I learned to set on this vacation is that I don’t need to compete for control and I don’t need to feel negatively because of the actions of someone else. I, and only I, have full control over what I think, feel and do, just as I have no control over what others think, feel or do. I accept that my mother is who she is, and I am who I am and there is nothing wrong with either of us.

The goal of sharing my story is to raise awareness of mental health problems that all of us experience and to break the stigma surrounding mental health. My belief is that we hurt each other because we have been hurt ourselves, but if we can heal past our own hurt that ends up causing us to hurt others, we can break the cycle of pain that we have been inflicting on each other for so long.

If you are looking for a start in your own journey of self healing, the best way to start is by talking to someone: If you are in Alberta there is a mental health helpline found at http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/amh/amh.aspx or in the US, http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help. Usually a quick google search for help in your location will bring up a toll free number you can call. I also have a friend that practices hypnotherapy and has an affordable pay model for anyone seeking help. here is a link to his website, Healing Self. And if you’d like to contact me personally for any help or direction, you can use my contact page to reach out and I will keep anything confidential (aside from if you’re planning to commit a crime) and help to the best of my abilities.

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