EMDR #12: A Life’s Purpose

Throughout recounting these sessions, I reveal a lot about my own thoughts and emotions, and I’d like to remind anyone that reads these, that these are my own thoughts and the ways I interpreted things that happened in my life. It is no fault of anyone else that I reacted, felt the way that I did or thought a certain way whenever something took place.
We are all flawed and that is what makes us beautiful…

Recount of Session: June 27th

I came into the session still very conflicted with the decision to leave my current employer or to stay. We discussed what it was that I wanted from a career. At the time I wanted to get into management so I could lead and inspire others. I’ve always been good at strategy and helping others which I believe are important traits of a leader. At the time, I worked in the information technology field and my therapist asked if that’s what I wanted to be a manager in. My thought was that it didn’t matter what field I managed, even if it was something I knew nothing about, I’d be able to learn it very quickly and be an effective leader. This got me thinking more critically. If I felt like I could pick up any industry quickly enough to manage it, how do I feel about the IT work I am doing now? When I first started my current job, I knew hardly anything about it, but I picked it up very quickly as I knew I could and I was good at it. But was it something that I really enjoyed getting out of bed for every morning? I loved the people that I was helping, but the work itself was not something I was passionate about. I knew I wanted to do something where I could deal with people, and it got me asking myself; what am I passionate about?

Just because you are good at something does not mean you have to do it especially if it doesn’t give you any joy. I thought deeply about what I wanted and I remembered when I was younger trying to find my path in life that I had wanted to do one of three things. First off I wanted to become a doctor to help people however I learnt I was kind of squeamish so that was out of the question. I also wanted to do accounting because I was very good at math and numbers and maybe doing something I was really good at would give me joy. I got my finance degree and learned that that career path was not right for me. The final thing that I wanted to do with my life was become a psychologist. I’ve always been interested in human behavior and the inner workings of the mind but I felt like dealing with people would be too difficult for me. Now that I’ve grown and realized that I want to have a career in helping and inspiring people, this made so much sense it hurt. I’ve already began going down this path with my own psychological growth throughout this blog and my own experiences with my therapist. I’ve learned so much in my own change and I finally have a feeling of purpose in my life; I want to inspire and help those around me to find the same clarity in life that I have found through my psychological therapy.

After discovering what it was that I wanted to do with my life, I had decided to stay with my current employer as I knew I would be able to work towards my goals while working there as they have a large degree of flexibility I could work with. If it became frustrating again and I felt like I wasn’t able to work toward my goals, I still have the control to leave; my life is in my hands.

I learnt an important lesson through this session which I believe is something very important in anyone’s life; find what you’re passionate about and have the courage to follow it. It’s definitely not an easy thing to do and it took me 29 years to do it, but once you find it, and decide to pursue it, it changes you.

The goal of sharing my story is to raise awareness of mental health problems that all of us experience and to break the stigma surrounding mental health. ‘We are all flawed and that’s what makes us beautiful’ This line to me means that we all have issues that we’ve developed and issues that have developed us into who we are. Those developments are what make us different and what make us beautiful, however a lot of these developments have caused us to carry with us negative views and thoughts of ourselves. By allowing ourselves to heal past these negative thoughts and views we can become our true beautiful selves without the burden of negative mental thoughts and feelings.

If you are looking for a start in your own journey of self healing, the best way to start is by talking to someone: If you are in Alberta there is a mental health helpline found at http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/amh/amh.aspx or in the US, http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help. Usually a quick google search for help in your location will bring up a toll free number you can call. I also have a friend that practices hypnotherapy and has an affordable pay model for anyone seeking help. here is a link to his website, Healing Self. And if you’d like to contact me personally for any help or direction, you can use my contact page to reach out and I will keep anything confidential (aside from if you’re planning to commit a crime) and help to the best of my abilities.

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