EMDR #17: Trapped

Throughout recounting these sessions, I reveal a lot about my own thoughts and emotions, and I’d like to remind anyone that reads these, that these are my own thoughts and the ways I interpreted things that happened in my life. It is no fault of anyone else that I reacted, felt the way that I did or thought a certain way whenever something took place.
We can break the cycle of projecting our problems onto one another as long as we can find understanding towards others and within ourselves…

Recount of Session: August 22nd

This past week I asked a friend of mine to go on a casual date with me. I wanted to spend a romantic evening with someone and she was a really cool friend that I wanted to get to know a bit more and to hang out with. She agreed to it however a bit later on in the week, she had some disappointing news; She had to cancel due to an important event. This was totally understandable and although I felt a bit sad that we couldn’t go, I held no ill will for her nor did I feel rejected. She felt bad though because she knew how much I was looking forward to this date and came up with an idea to set me up with one of her friends. She started setting everything in motion however I began to feel very uncomfortable meeting a stranger for the date I wanted to go on with someone else and nothing sat right about it with me.

As I sat in my chair with my therapist recounting this event, thoughts of my stepdad emerged. I remembered the feeling of not being good enough… Of being a disappointment and feeling so worthless and trapped in the situation I was in because I felt I had no other options but to stay and suffer.

I felt that there were some parallels in the feelings I had of being trapped with my stepdad and feeling trapped in a blind date. Obviously they were not the same thing, however my emotions felt like they were, and I did not like the thought of meeting someone on the expectation of a romantic evening when I didn’t know anything about this person and already had the expectation of someone else going with me. I eventually cancelled as I felt so uneasy about it all and I felt a bit sad that I got the blind date’s hopes up only to let her down, but I just not feel right about the situation.

My therapist pointed out that the parallel of this uneasiness in the blind date situation and being trapped with my stepdad was probably due to lack of control over each situation. I had asked someone else to go with me and the expectation of an evening with her was broken and quickly replaced with something I did not have a decision on. My therapist also told me that when it comes to dating that it might be wise to set boundaries to remove the romantic expectations I might be placing on the date and enjoy myself, but in this case; if my gut was that uneasy over it, then perhaps it was for the best. C’est la vie.

The goal of sharing my story is to raise awareness of mental health problems that all of us experience and to break the stigma surrounding mental health. My belief is that we hurt each other because we have been hurt ourselves, but if we can heal past our own hurt that ends up causing us to hurt others, we can break the cycle of pain that we have been inflicting on each other for so long.

If you are looking for a start in your own journey of self healing, the best way to start is by talking to someone: If you are in Alberta there is a mental health helpline found at http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/amh/amh.aspx or in the US, http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help. Usually a quick google search for help in your location will bring up a toll free number you can call. I also have a friend that practices hypnotherapy and has an affordable pay model for anyone seeking help. here is a link to his website, Healing Self. And if you’d like to contact me personally for any help or direction, you can use my contact page to reach out and I will keep anything confidential (aside from if you’re planning to commit a crime) and help to the best of my abilities.

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