Ever since I can remember, I used to describe myself as a hopeless romantic. I’m a dreamer, I long for things to be almost like a fairy tale especially when it comes to relationships; to me, life equals love.
In previous relationships, I gave my everything. My life was my love, their dreams became my dreams, and my thoughts were about them. This led me to do many wonderful things, I would randomly pick flowers for them, I would write letters and poems, I used to sing one to sleep, I even wrote a college paper on descriptive writing with my first love as the subject and I got 100% on it as my teacher was touched by the love I felt. I did so many small little considerate things that I would consider romantic however, I truly was hopeless.
The problem I had was I didn’t have an identity, I would attach myself to my significant other and they would become my life. I dreamt of making their dreams come true, I dreamt of them being happy and I felt like that was my happiness. I learned over the few relationships I’ve been in that I can never gain happiness from someone else, not truly. Someone else could not give me an identity, but that didn’t stop me from feeling neglected because they weren’t trying. I blinded myself with love and romance to mask the depression I felt from within myself. I was a hopeless romantic.
I’ve recently dealt with that depression, I’ve discovered my own dreams to follow and I’ve found my identity. I’m no longer hopeless and when I’m being romantic, its no longer a cover from my own self doubts and depression, it’s an expression of who I am.
My life equals love; love of self, and love of others. I follow my own dreams and help others to reach theirs. Where ever and who ever life might take me to, I will always be hopeful and romantic.